DEAR DEIDRE: I had drunken sex with a guy from my workplace and wrecked my marriage but I still love my husband so much.
I’m a woman of 37 and my husband is 35. We’ve had a good relationship but I’ve always longed for children. It’s never happened for us and my husband dug in against getting medical advice – I think he felt a failure.
It’s caused a huge strain it made us argue all the more the last months we were together. I confided in a colleague, a guy of 28. We all work in small teams in a call-centre and we take our breaks together.
This friend was my shoulder to cry on and he was always there on a Monday morning after a weekend of rowing with my husband. One Friday night he persuaded me not to go home for a night of arguing but suggested we have a night out. A couple of the other girls were coming along too so I didn’t see the harm in it.
We went to some bars and a club. I went to the loo and when I came out, my colleague was there. He pushed me back into the cubicle and kissed me. It felt good. I hadn’t been kissed for ages.
His hands were everywhere and I knew he wanted sex. He suggested I go back to his place. I’d had a lot to drink and I felt so angry with my husband it made me reckless.
The sex was typical drunken sex – not great. Next morning I walked home to my husband and he knew I’d been up to no good. It was written all over my face.
I packed a bag and went back to my mum’s. I hated myself so much that it was best to give him space and try to pay for my mistake. I really regret what I did.
It’s been two months now and my husband and I are still apart. I’ve been avoiding my colleague at work but seeing a guy from the gym. I don’t want to hurt him but I still love my husband.
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DEIDRE SAYS: I Then why have you left it so long? Contact your husband and tell him you need to talk. If he agrees, then spell out just how sorry you are.
Cheating was never going to sort out your problems.
The good news is I hear from many couples who have come through infidelity and their relationship is better and stronger as a result. My e-leaflet Cheating – Can You Get Over It? will help you build up the trust again.
Once your relationship is strong and you both have a better understanding of one another, see your GP – alone if need be – to explain how much you would like to start a family.
Get fertility investigations underway and hopefully your husband will realise it’s cruel not to join you in seeking an answer.
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