I’ve met a wonderful woman but can’t stop speaking to an amazing girl on a phone sex line – The Sun

DEAR DEIDRE: I HAVE met a wonderful woman but can’t stop using a phone sex line – as the girl I talk to there is my ultimate turn-on.

I am a 36-year-old guy and single until now.


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For many years I just watched vanilla porn but then I got into a more hardcore genre where you are told exactly how to pleasure yourself.

I noticed more and more that I liked being sexually humiliated and ridiculed.

I discovered this phone sex line service a year ago and, after speaking to a few girls, found one who is amazing.

She knows how to get me going.

She likes to laugh at how pathetic I am. I love that.

But a year ago I met a woman online who is 34 and really hot.

We’ve been chatting loads and I told her recently that I really like her.

To my surprise, she said she feels the same.

She lives in America and I’m flying over to see her this spring.

I have decided I should quit both the porn and the phone sex.

I wouldn’t want to use either while in a relationship.

The porn feels like it would be possible but I can’t imagine my life without the phone sex.

I have managed to give up calling for a week or two but then go back.

I never feel guilty for the calls and what I do during them, but I am breaking my promise to myself to quit and I’m beginning to realise I must be addicted.

I am finding it harder than ever to reach climax without being humiliated.

If I did stop, would I go back to normal?

I really like this woman in the States, and I worry this may affect us if I don’t stop or she finds out, but I’m torn.

Other times, I think I should just enjoy what I’m doing as much as I can before getting into a relationship.

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A DOMESTIC violence case is reported to the police every minute, two women a week are killed by a partner or ex, and men are victims too, though they can feel too embarrassed to admit it.

My e-leaflet Abusive Partner? explains the support available to help you be safe.

For a copy email me at [email protected] or message me on Facebook.

DEIDRE SAYS: That’s your addiction talking.

The fact you are finding it harder to reach sexual satisfaction without being humiliated shows the phone sex is blunting your sexual responses.

It’s like a drug addict needs bigger and bigger doses to reach the same high.

Keep having the phone sex and you could lose the ability even to become aroused by a real-life partner.

So if you want to share a satisfying relationship, best start tackling your addiction now and work towards ending your porn and phone-sex habits.

Finding humiliation a turn-on could well tap into early unhappy experiences, and a specialist therapist can help.

Contact COSRT, the College of Sexual and Relationship Therapists to find the right support (cosrt.org.uk, 020 8543 2707).

My e-leaflet on Fetish Worries can help too.

Work on building up an active real-world social life nearer to home and get your buzz at the gym or out running.

Don’t rely on dreams of a woman thousands of miles away.

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