Not content with her mediocre role in Suits, the American actress Meghan Markle has finally landed her starring role in a new documentary called Harry and Meghan, featuring her husband, Harry (you know, a Prince of England?).
Premiering in December 2022, the pitiable documentary trailer made me wince, queasy, and keen to immediately terminate my Netflix subscription.
It seems the Sussex couple are on a warpath to destroy their family, in this sad public hanging in which all their dirty silk laundry is on show to the world and I couldn't think of anything more mortifying.
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Quite frankly, the late Queen Elizabeth II would be disgusted by these ongoing childish outbursts, as some of the most privileged people in the world squabble over how hard their lives are.
Whilst people in this country struggle to pay their energy bills this winter, the multi-millionaire Montecito "royal" brats can't stop bleating on about the hardships they faced living in Kensington Palace as their chauffeur took them from one red carpet to the other.
I thought Megs and Harry wanted privacy?
I assumed the British media spotlight was too much for them, hence the move abroad?
It seems those claims were manufactured to make a rapid exit to chase celebrity in the US, without the restrictions of working for the Royal Family and committing to duty like Harry's grandmother did until her final days.
It appears the only things on Megs and Harry's minds are money and fame.
They slam the press for intrusion, yet make a documentary about their lives only when they can control the narrative.
Forget hard work and dedicating your life to service, the exasperating twits can't be bothered with that, instead opting to make millions of dollars nauseatingly ranting on podcasts and TV shows.
Prince Harry is a humiliation to his late grandmother, the Queen, and should be ridden with guilt over the shame he and his ingratiating wife have inflicted upon a much-loved institution that is losing respect by the second.
In a very timely announcement, Netflix aired the trailer of this trashy documentary during the Prince and Princess of Wales' tour of the US and after "racist" remarks by Lady Hussey towards a guest at Buckingham Palace were condemned by the Family for being "unacceptable".
Don't think so.
In the trailer, the irksome double-act whine about telling "[their] story", a bit like when they poured their hearts out like some desperate X Factor contestants to Oprah Winfrey, reportedly lying thirty times.
They're very mistaken: there's no two versions of the truth, only one, and I'm afraid the Hollywood wannabes are lacking in all credibility following their last querulous CBS tell-all whilst Prince Philip was on his death bed.
During the trailer, Harry goes onto to say: "No one sees what's happening behind closed doors."
If we saw behind the closed doors in your Californian mansion, I'm sure we'd see a world of entitlement and luxury that most people dream of, yet somehow the Prince of Hollywood finds misery and another reason to complain.
Harry continues: "I had to do everything I could to protect my family."
Sounding like an extract from a second-rate Hollywood movie, the Prince of Pity insinuates he had no choice in leaving the UK to somehow save his family from the terror of gilded doors and royal butlers with silver platters.
I can already predict the plot of this clichéd documentary, so whilst you're watching the show, why not play a game of royal bingo:
Moaning about their lives in the UK and how they've been vilified by the Royal Family and media
Dramatic crying and prolonged moments of silence with tense music
Mental health woes and how they've barely survived
Harry cosplaying a Disney hero in 'saving' Meghan and his child from the villainous Royal Family
Sympathetic clips of their family all together around a fireplace
Comparing their lives to Princess Diana's experiences
Vindictive remarks about William and Kate whilst looking immensely jealous and bitter
Juxtaposition between their unhappiness in the UK and delight in the US
Cringey walks around the huge garden and shots of the chickens
I'm sure I'm not that far off.
Regardless of the accuracy of my predictions, one thing is for sure, this callous attack on the Royal Family won't stop and it's likely to get worse.
The battle for whose truth is the "actual" truth will endure in the media until someone retreats.
I hope the Royal Family perseveres as this horrid couple in the US will do anything for fame and cash, even if it burns the royal institution to the ground.
Do you have a story you're itching for Ryan-Mark to cover? Email: [email protected]
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