Every man has a painful memory somewhere in the back of his mind of that time he bashed one of his balls while trying to climb over a fence or intercepting a low-thrown ball. But that’s nothing. In a thread on Reddit, guys have been sharing the truly stupid ways in which it is possible to terrorize your testes.
Perhaps unsurprisingly, a number of comments recalled times that guys had sat on one or both of their balls while trying to mount their bikes, or as a result underwear that was far too loose-fitting. And then there was the one poor soul who sat on his balls “a few hours after getting my vasectomy.”
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Feelin_Dead recalled not one, but two auto-related incidents: “I once had a truck without power steering. Quickly cranking the wheel my hand slipped and smacked myself right in the twins. Lost control of truck and ended up driving up and damaging a nicely landscaped embankment. Or…. I was putting on a belt with a large belt buckle. I was in a hurry so I got through the first belt loop and gave it a mighty yank and the buckle came up and busted my berries. Men, slow down and save your balls.”
Other testicular catastrophes happened in the kitchen. “Cutting jalapenos for a corn salsa,” said Zmayy. “Touched the boys afterwards. Immediately they started feeling warm and the pain slowly started increasing. First I tried washing them with water, then I tried showering and shampooing them. Finally in a move of desperation I filled up a cereal bowl of milk and dipped my balls in it — instant relief. I waddled back up to my room, leaving a trail of milk behind me.”
That’s the kind of memorable experience that will teach you not to do such a thing again. However, some other guys, in the kind of defiance of self-preservation that would make Darwin himself wince, didn’t learn from their mistakes.
Like mcq316: “Have you ever wound up an extension cord over your arm so it’s in a nice bundle? If you’ve got a cord with a heavy duty end, it can come in swinging like a wrecking ball and if that last little bit is just the right length, it can definitely wreck some balls. In and of itself, I wouldn’t call that stupid. But doing it again 90 seconds later with the second cord… yeah, not my brightest moment.”
And then there was the tale which evokes such sympathy pain that it’s impossible not to read it without reflexively crossing your own legs. From sir-clicks-a-lot: “I smashed my balls between two dumbells I was using at the gym doing deadlifts. Held the dumbells in a different position than usual (elbow or shoulder issues?) so every time I did a rep the dumbells tapped each other. One set i wasn’t careful and they smashed my balls.”
Here at Men’s Health we encourage all of our readers to warm up and stretch for a safe, enjoyable workout. Just in case it wasn’t clear already, we want to reiterate: protect your balls while lifting weights. And if you are experiencing pain in your balls, here’s how to know if it’s signaling something serious.
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