Tamar Braxton is a vocal powerhouse, reality TV star, and unforgettable personality. One of the things people tend to love about her is that she’s authentic and honest about her challenges, which makes her relatable. Well, the singer is currently navigating something that many people can certainly relate to–co-parenting.
The star went through a very public divorce with her ex-husband, manager, and music exec Vince Herbert in 2017 after almost nine years of marriage. The two share one child together in son Logan, whom they reportedly have joint custody of. Every so often it seems Braxton and Herbert find themselves at odds, and the most recent conflict occurred over their son’s lack of communication with her while with his father. She took to Instagram Live to vent her frustrations and to say she’d been blocked by her ex.
“What’s happening, y’all? I’m going live right now because I have been calling my son all day long and it seems like this is the only way to get Logan Vincent Herbert on this phone. So I’m sure he’s going to be coming on live soon, and I need you to call your mother. Stop playing with me,” she said.
“My question is this, why do baby daddies and baby mommas think it’s okay to block you while they got your child? What’s that? Who told you that? I can’t call Vince. I’m blocked, okay? There you have it,” she continued.
“That’s why I’m looking for my child. I need to speak to my child,” she added. “That is so corny!”
In typical social media fashion, there are numerous arguments about whether Braxton’s frustration is valid or she’s just bashing her child’s father. Her response to the latter argument is that’s not the case.
“No, we’re not bashing. Listen, my baby daddy is my cousin, okay? Just like families, we argue and fight. We don’t get along,” she said. “I probably was calling too much. Well, I only got one. I’m going to call my son 13,000 times a day. There you have it.”
This story caught my attention as it opens up an interesting conversation about co-parenting boundaries and how important they are. I personally don’t think there’s a straightforward answer here. The reality is that co-parenting is hard work, as any other relationship is.
Well, scratch that. There is an answer, which I think is both parties having ongoing empathy for and communication with one another.
That said, I think the conversation should shift from whether he or Logan should answer every time she calls to speak with him to why she feels compelled to call “13,000 times a day” and to ponder how that could make Herbert feel. Does it interrupt the quality time he’s spending with his son? Is she calling multiple times a day because she feels left out and misses being included in their family dynamic? If she’s missing her son, is there a way they can communicate and agree on a set number of times she calls that’s comfortable for everyone? Would her texting Logan often be an acceptable alternative to constantly calling?
Every parent deserves uninterrupted time with their child and parents should also have access to their child. But, it’s important for each parent to have honest conversations about how this looks, what their boundaries are, and what they’re comfortable with. The unfortunate reality is that when you’re no longer a two-parent home, family time gets split down the middle (hopefully). This means you won’t always be included in the other parent’s time with the child. And yea, sometimes it sucks.
For those who have had to go through the grief of divorce and then pivot into co-parenting, you can probably agree that sharing parental responsibilities in two separate homes isn’t the easiest thing to do. It’s something I had to figure out after my divorce, and it’s safe to say I was paying my therapist overtime and the pages of my journal filled up pretty quickly. I can think back to times when my ex-husband would take my son, who was three at the time, for the weekend. I would miss my baby bad, but was apprehensive about calling “too much” because I am the primary caregiver and spend more time with our son than he does. So, I felt like I didn’t want to constantly interrupt their moments together and would only call once a day so my son knew I was thinking of him.
So I can empathize with Braxton, especially when your child is your world and you only have one. You feel their absence when they’re gone and to be honest, it can get a little lonely, too. Going from both parents having 24/7 access to a child to having to share time is a transition that can trigger a range of emotions and it doesn’t always get easier.
With time, I realized that my son spending time with his dad gave me a chance to spend quality time with myself–something I desperately craved while I was married. Reminding myself about this made the time my son was away more enjoyable for me. Every relationship can benefit from a little space, including the one you have with your child.
Children benefit from both parents being around, so I’m glad that Logan is spending time with his mom and his dad. I hope these two can find a shared parenting arrangement that makes both of them happy, because if your baby daddy is like your cousin, that ultimately means they are your family at the end of the day. Two happy parents is always healthy for a growing child.
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