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Em Clarkson is here to solve all your problems.<\/p>\n
Well, sort of.<\/p>\n
As Metro\u2019s agony aunt the influencer, author and content creator (busy much?) is primed and ready to be a sympathetic ear, an oracle of wisdom or, quite simply, a stand-in for that girl in the nightclub bathroom you share your thoughts and dreams with while waiting in line.<\/p>\n
While she stresses she\u2019s no alternative for therapy, Em is keen to talk through any quandary.<\/p>\n
This week, she\u2019s helping Metro readers navigate wedding snubs (when your partner is in the bridal party, no less), how to deal when you\u2019re newly single in your 30s and wondering WTF to do, and the best way to speak with a friend who\u2019s obsessing over their weight.<\/p>\n
Read on to find out what Em has to say\u2026<\/p>\n
Wedding etiquette never ceases to stress me out, because ultimately, I\u2019m forced to conclude (even if I vehemently disagree), that what the bride and groom want, the bride and groom should get. It\u2019s their day and they\u2019re presumably paying for everyone to be there so that\u2019s just that.<\/p>\n
But, and it\u2019s a big but, there are some non-negotiables when it comes to the guestlist in my opinion, and that unfortunately for them normally includes other halves of their MVPs (parents\/ushers\/bridesmaids).<\/p>\n
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This, to my mind, means you should really be invited. But you weren\u2019t. And short of crashing it (not recommended), I\u2019m not sure there\u2019s much you can do, I\u2019m afraid. I don\u2019t think there\u2019s much your partner can do either, to be honest. There are certain obligations bestowed on a best man and showing up feels like the bare minimum. So, I think you\u2019ve got to let him go.<\/p>\n
And if you\u2019re feeling really spiteful you can wish rain on them, but honestly, I\u2019d just plan a spa day for yourself and crack on doing your own thing.<\/p>\n
It sounds to me that you aren\u2019t entirely unhappy with the decisions you\u2019re making (congrats on the great sex), and honestly, why should you be? You are in the process of recalibrating after a HUGE life shift, and it would be entirely unrealistic to think that you\u2019d be able to jump into a situation right now that you\u2019re going to stay in for the rest of your life.<\/p>\n
It\u2019s an incredibly cruel thing this society does to women in their thirties, playing the tick-tock of their biological clock via megaphone in every room they walk into, and I think it\u2019s that that\u2019s compounding your stress right now.<\/p>\n
There is no playbook for how your life is supposed to go, and if there is, you\u2019re the author of it. So, I think a great place to start is to throw the \u2018shoulds\u2019 out the window and replace them with the \u2018wants\u2019.<\/p>\n
\u2018My partner makes more than me \u2013 but refuses to pay more of our bills\u2019<\/p>\n
\u2018I\u2019m 17, he\u2019s 31\u2026 Am I too young to tell him I have feelings for him?\u2019<\/p>\n
\u2018I look in the mirror and see my mother \u2013 I can\u2019t stand it\u2019<\/p>\n
\u2018My boyfriend subscribed to Only Fans \u2013 how can I move past it?\u2019<\/p>\n
\u2018I\u2019m 34 and I\u2019ve lost all interest in sex\u2026\u2019<\/p>\n
\u2018I\u2019m scared my thinning boyfriend will give me the ick if he goes bald\u2026\u2019<\/p>\n
\u2018Do I tell my new partner I\u2019m a 30-year-old virgin?\u2019<\/p>\n
\u2018My fianc\u00e9 is not attracted to me \u2013 how do I get past this?\u2019<\/p>\n
\u2018Do we settle down or go travelling?\u2019<\/p>\n
If children are something that you think you really might like, then I don\u2019t think there\u2019s any harm in future-proofing and exploring your options when it comes to egg-freezing, or at least a check of your ovarian reserve, if that\u2019s something available to you. This might take the pressure off you a bit and allow you to keep going with the fantastical sex with a bit more peace of mind\u2026 one of my closest friends has recently done it and had great success (the egg freezing\u2026 not the guilt-free fantastical sex, as far as I\u2019m aware\u2026)<\/p>\n
Beyond that, I think the best thing you can do for yourself is to give yourself a break. You\u2019ve got a lot going on, and you have to treat yourself with grace whilst you work out who you are and what you want for yourself. <\/p>\n
Keeping everything crossed for you with your BRCA results, too.<\/p>\n
You are going to remember that how your friend looks, speaks, and behaves has absolutely nothing to do with you.<\/p>\n
It\u2019s all too easy, when we hear one of our friends telling us that they are going on a diet, to centre ourselves in their narrative and project a lot of our insecurities onto them. We LEAP to the conclusion that, sure, if they think they\u2019re too big at the size they are now then that must mean that they think I\u2019m too big too. But that is NOT what it means.<\/p>\n
With nearly 300,000 followers on Instagram and a reputation as one of the more honest influencers out there, Em is often asked for advice in her DMs. Now, she wants to do the same in Metro, as our newest columnist. <\/p>\n
No topic is off limits. So if you\u2019ve a question for her agony aunt series, email askem@metro.co.uk.<\/p>\n
And we only feel that way because the tactics used by the diet and beauty industries were to instil in us this fear that if we were the least desirable of the women around us, we\u2019d be left behind, thus putting us in competition with each other. That kept women small, distracted and spending money.<\/p>\n
But we are unlearning this shit now. If for whatever reason your friend doesn\u2019t like what she sees in the mirror, that is between her and her. You don\u2019t need to insert yourself in that. You need to be focussing on getting rid of your own insecurities, not collecting other peoples\u2019. Your body is doing your best for you, and hers is doing right by her. What she looks like is the least interesting thing about her, and it\u2019s sad that she can\u2019t see that, but you can. So don\u2019t forget it.<\/p>\n