I’m dating the woman next door and my boyfriend is fine with it – I consider her and her husband as family
- Abbie Lill, from LA, started seeing her next-door neighbour Emily two years ago
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A woman who is dating her neighbour has revealed her boyfriend is comfortable with the set-up – and claims she even sees her partner’s husband as ‘family’.
Abbie Lill, 28, a barista, from Los Angeles, has been with her boyfriend Elijah, 38, for five years and the pair have always been open about dating other people.
On their first date in 2018, Abbie told Elijah that she wasn’t ready for a monogamous relationship with a man as she was still exploring her bisexuality.
She explained: ‘We set a standard from the very beginning that anything and everything is fine, as long as we talk about things together first.
‘We decided that if we wanted to see other people, we would both be open to it as long as everything was on the table and there was no deception involved.’
L-R: J, Emily, Abbie and Elijah during a recent pride celebration. Although Abbie’s friends have been supportive of her polyamorous set-up, she admitted that her family have struggled to adapt
Three years ago, the couple moved into their first home together and instantly got on with their new neighbours Emily, 39, and her husband J, 32.
She explained: ‘We all got to know each other as friends pretty quickly, and a few months later, Emily and I went out crystal shopping together.
‘That was the first time we spoke deeper, we talked about our relationships, our histories, our sexualities, our journeys of coming out as both bisexuals.
‘She brought up monogamy, I explained Elijah and I’s stance, and then she admitted her feelings to me.
‘She told me that she and J were non-monogamous but were also waiting for the right person.’
At this point, Emily asked if Abbie would be interested in becoming romantically involved with them.
After Elijah returned home, Abbie broached the subject with him – and he agreed to give it a try as long as they ‘took it slow’.
She added: ‘Emily and I took a couple of weeks talking more and getting to know each other more in that way, but we waited to have our first kiss or anything more until both of us and both of our partners were ready to take that step.’
Pictured: the two couples dressed up as the Mystery Incorporated gang from the Scooby-Doo cartoons for Halloween
A month later, Emily and Abbie confessed to one another that they were love and their relationship has continued going from strength to strength.
Abbie said: ‘I didn’t know a relationship could feel so secure. When Emily and I were first starting our relationship, I was surprised to feel like my love for Elijah was growing at the same time as my love for Emily.
‘I’ve really learned deep in my soul how possible it is to love two people at once.’
Although Abbie is on good terms with Emily’s husband J, the two have a purely platonic relationship – meaning he is Abbie’s ‘metamour’ [partner of your partner].
Opening about their dynamic, Abbie continued: ‘Me and J get along so well.
Abbie (left) said of her relationship with Emily: ‘I didn’t know a relationship could feel so secure. When Emily and I were first starting our relationship, I was surprised to feel like my love for Elijah was growing at the same time as my love for Emily’
‘We also communicate well and that is so, so important to me. These people are my family.’
Although Abbie’s friends have been supportive of her polyamorous set-up, she admitted that her family have struggled to adapt.
She explained: ‘My grandmother passed away less than a month after coming out to my mum and that threw a huge curveball our way.
‘No one handled the situation well. We went a couple months without talking, which was truly awful as we were all grieving a giant loss.
‘A year and a half later and things are better but not like they were before. We are still working to heal our relationship, which I am holding out hope that we can do.
Pictured: Elijah, Abbie and Emily. Abbie said of her polyamorous relationships: ‘I’ve really learned deep in my soul how possible it is to love two people at once’
‘They love Elijah and have loved and accepted him from very early on in our relationship, as soon as they saw how good he was to me and how happy he makes me.
‘I hope that someday they can extend the same respect to my second relationship.’
However, Abbie has also had to face criticism online and in her workplace.
After returning to work after quarantining, she told a colleague about her new girlfriend – prompting an older man to say: ‘This is why I’ve got to get my kids out of California!’
She explained: ‘Living [where we do], we don’t get a lot of in-person negative attention.
‘Emily and I feel safe as a queer couple out in LA, and we tend to hang in queer-friendly spaces.
‘I often use they/them pronouns [at work] if I’m talking about my partner because I don’t want to identify which one I’m talking about.
‘To begin with, telling people I was polyamorous was a very strange experience and I had to learn to thicken my skin if my goal is to normalise polyamory and be seen by people outside of the community.
‘I get random negative comments online but that’s usually the worst of it.
‘It astounds me how people can so confidently spew vile hatred at random strangers on the internet, but hey, that’s the age we live in and I’m learning to accept it.’
In the future, the couples are hoping to one day live in a house of their own.
Abbie said: ‘None of us want children and we all came to that decision individually.
‘At this point we kind of check in every now and again to make sure everyone is on the same page, but I’m very confident nothing will change that.’
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