Em Clarkson is here to solve all your problems.
Well, sort of.
As Metro’s agony aunt the influencer, author and content creator (busy much?) is primed and ready to be a sympathetic ear, an oracle of wisdom or, quite simply, a stand-in for that girl in the nightclub bathroom you share your thoughts and dreams with while waiting in line.
While she stresses she’s no alternative for therapy, Em is keen to talk through any quandary.
This week, she’s helping Metro readers navigate wedding snubs (when your partner is in the bridal party, no less), how to deal when you’re newly single in your 30s and wondering WTF to do, and the best way to speak with a friend who’s obsessing over their weight.
Read on to find out what Em has to say…
My boyfriend is the best man at a wedding, but I’ve not been invited. He’s still going…
Wedding etiquette never ceases to stress me out, because ultimately, I’m forced to conclude (even if I vehemently disagree), that what the bride and groom want, the bride and groom should get. It’s their day and they’re presumably paying for everyone to be there so that’s just that.
But, and it’s a big but, there are some non-negotiables when it comes to the guestlist in my opinion, and that unfortunately for them normally includes other halves of their MVPs (parents/ushers/bridesmaids).
This, to my mind, means you should really be invited. But you weren’t. And short of crashing it (not recommended), I’m not sure there’s much you can do, I’m afraid. I don’t think there’s much your partner can do either, to be honest. There are certain obligations bestowed on a best man and showing up feels like the bare minimum. So, I think you’ve got to let him go.
And if you’re feeling really spiteful you can wish rain on them, but honestly, I’d just plan a spa day for yourself and crack on doing your own thing.
I’m newly single at 35 – am I wasting my time having great sex with men I have no future with? Is my mum right to think I’ll die alone and childless?
Oh, also, I’m on the wait list for the genetic test for BRCA 1 and 2… so I’m not even sure if I should have kids, if I ever decide that I want them in the first place…
How do people get their lives back on track after they’ve been thrown onto a completely new trajectory?
It sounds to me that you aren’t entirely unhappy with the decisions you’re making (congrats on the great sex), and honestly, why should you be? You are in the process of recalibrating after a HUGE life shift, and it would be entirely unrealistic to think that you’d be able to jump into a situation right now that you’re going to stay in for the rest of your life.
It’s an incredibly cruel thing this society does to women in their thirties, playing the tick-tock of their biological clock via megaphone in every room they walk into, and I think it’s that that’s compounding your stress right now.
There is no playbook for how your life is supposed to go, and if there is, you’re the author of it. So, I think a great place to start is to throw the ‘shoulds’ out the window and replace them with the ‘wants’.
Ask Em Clarkson: Your questions answered
‘My partner makes more than me – but refuses to pay more of our bills’
‘I’m 17, he’s 31… Am I too young to tell him I have feelings for him?’
‘I look in the mirror and see my mother – I can’t stand it’
‘My boyfriend subscribed to Only Fans – how can I move past it?’
‘I’m 34 and I’ve lost all interest in sex…’
‘I’m scared my thinning boyfriend will give me the ick if he goes bald…’
‘Do I tell my new partner I’m a 30-year-old virgin?’
‘My fiancé is not attracted to me – how do I get past this?’
‘Do we settle down or go travelling?’
If children are something that you think you really might like, then I don’t think there’s any harm in future-proofing and exploring your options when it comes to egg-freezing, or at least a check of your ovarian reserve, if that’s something available to you. This might take the pressure off you a bit and allow you to keep going with the fantastical sex with a bit more peace of mind… one of my closest friends has recently done it and had great success (the egg freezing… not the guilt-free fantastical sex, as far as I’m aware…)
Beyond that, I think the best thing you can do for yourself is to give yourself a break. You’ve got a lot going on, and you have to treat yourself with grace whilst you work out who you are and what you want for yourself.
Keeping everything crossed for you with your BRCA results, too.
My friend’s obsession with her weight is making me feel bad about my body, what do I do?
You are going to remember that how your friend looks, speaks, and behaves has absolutely nothing to do with you.
It’s all too easy, when we hear one of our friends telling us that they are going on a diet, to centre ourselves in their narrative and project a lot of our insecurities onto them. We LEAP to the conclusion that, sure, if they think they’re too big at the size they are now then that must mean that they think I’m too big too. But that is NOT what it means.
Want to ask Em Clarkson a question?
With nearly 300,000 followers on Instagram and a reputation as one of the more honest influencers out there, Em is often asked for advice in her DMs. Now, she wants to do the same in Metro, as our newest columnist.
No topic is off limits. So if you’ve a question for her agony aunt series, email [email protected].
And we only feel that way because the tactics used by the diet and beauty industries were to instil in us this fear that if we were the least desirable of the women around us, we’d be left behind, thus putting us in competition with each other. That kept women small, distracted and spending money.
But we are unlearning this shit now. If for whatever reason your friend doesn’t like what she sees in the mirror, that is between her and her. You don’t need to insert yourself in that. You need to be focussing on getting rid of your own insecurities, not collecting other peoples’. Your body is doing your best for you, and hers is doing right by her. What she looks like is the least interesting thing about her, and it’s sad that she can’t see that, but you can. So don’t forget it.
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