My pub singer boyfriend thinks he’s a rock star – I know he’s cheating
It’s important to support your partner’s endeavours – whether that be standing on the sidelines at Sunday football, or watching terrible am dram.
But this reader is getting fed up with her singer boyfriend, whose ego is getting out of control.
Desperate to live like he rock star, he treats her badly – and she’s pretty sure he’s cheating. Is there a way to make him see sense and commit?
Before you go, check out last week’s dilemma, where a woman was having a secret fling with her uncle.
The problem…
The guy I’m involved with thinks he’s Harry Styles, even though he only sings in a band who play at our local pub. He really enjoys the fact that girls flirt with him, and although I’ve been seeing him for over a year, he won’t call me his ‘girlfriend’, or even commit to an exclusive relationship.
Yes, he is cute, funny, and talented, but he is also selfish and immature. I love him very much, but I just don’t know how long I should wait for him to grow up and settle down. His band do occasionally play elsewhere in the country, but I don’t think they have what it takes to be successful and famous, which is what he’s hoping for.
I’ve threatened not to be there for him, but he always talks me round. Wherever he is, he phones nearly every day, and if I ignore his call, he just keeps on trying until I do answer. He never talks about other girls, and if I bring the subject up, he just ignores me and talks about something else. Deep down, I know he isn’t faithful, but then he doesn’t claim to be.
He’s still only 25 and says he isn’t ready for commitment, but that when he is, I’ll be ‘the one’. I don’t want to play games, but I’m really reluctant to give him up. My friends all think I’m mad.
Laura says…
What is it about this guy that’s so irresistibly attractive? Okay, he’s handsome and funny, and perhaps you’re drawn to his image as a bad boy ‘rock star’, but you should value yourself more than to accept being given the run-around by him. Maybe you think life without him would be dull, but being involved with him isn’t going to bring you long-term excitement – just misery that will eat further into your self-esteem.
You know he isn’t faithful, so carry out your threats not to be there for him and fill your life with other distractions. Work, hobbies, friends, volunteering – just keep busy and ignore his calls. You’ll find there is much more to life than this wannabe pop star who isn’t worthy of you.
He might not be ready for a serious relationship for another ten years, and you deserve better than to wait that long. Maybe being by his side feels special, but it’s always on his terms. I know you don’t want to give him up to some other girl, but just feel sorry for anyone else he gets involved with. At this stage in his life, he is sure to cheat on them, too.
If there’s one thing you can say in his favour, at least he doesn’t make false promises of fidelity: but he’s not considering your feelings, only his own.
Learn to love yourself more and move on to someone who genuinely cares about you. It will make you so much happier in the long run.
Laura is a counsellor and columnist.
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