What women REALLY like doing in bed! Tracey Cox lifts the lid on the raunchy acts that men can’t get enough of – and whether their partners secretly love or loathe them
- British sexpert reveals women’s pet hates and top like when it comes to sex
- READ MORE: Does porn ruin relationships? Men confess their viewing habits
Women hate giving men oral sex. All women love wearing sexy underwear. Everyone knows the best bit of sex is intercourse.
There are a lot of assumptions made about sex and who enjoys what. The reality is (as always) far more complex and less clean cut.
In a bid to find some honest answers, I looked at the latest research and spoke to a variety of women to find out which sex acts they enjoyed doing and those they didn’t.
The results might surprise you.
The women I spoke to were aged between 18 and 73, all sexually active, some single and some in relationships. For simplicity, I rounded up all statistics to the nearest decimal point, then picked a mix of the most interesting and most agreed on to reflect both ends of the spectrum.
There are a lot of assumptions made about sex and who enjoys what. The reality is (as always) far more complex and less clean cut (stock photo)
Pet Hates: Jackhammering. Taking too long. Assuming I will orgasm that way.
Top Likes: Feeling ‘filled up’. Watching him climax. Primitive and lusty.
It’s what most men consider ‘sex’ – and many assume women agree with them. Truth is, for most women, intercourse is the least favourite part.
STATS AND FACTS
- 75 per cent of women say they experience pain during sex at some point in their lives.
- Around 10 to 20 per cent of women regularly find sex painful.
- More than 36 per cent of women need clitoral stimulation to reach orgasm – less than a fifth said intercourse alone was sufficient.
- About 50 per cent of women regularly have orgasms during sex, compared to 90 per cent of men.
- The most desired time period for intercourse is 13 minutes.
READ MORE: Does porn REALLY ruin relationships? Men confess their viewing habits to Tracey Cox – and reveal what their partners think
‘I like intercourse but it’s not how I orgasm. If I’m with a partner who understands that and makes sure I climax first through oral sex or using his fingers, it’s an enjoyable part of the whole experience. If I get minimum foreplay and intercourse takes up the rest of the time, I feel resentful and frustrated. He gets to orgasm, I don’t.’
‘I love the moment a man ejaculates inside of me. I like feeling his penis pulsate: it makes me feel powerful. I did that! I made him feel like that! It’s such a turn on, I can often orgasm just from that alone.’
‘I’m peri-menopausal and my experience of sex is totally different to what it was. I used to love having intercourse. I loved that first thrust and feeling him deep inside me – nothing connects you more to your partner. Now sex is quite painful. Instead of longing to have him inside me, I brace myself and grit my teeth. It makes me sad, and I hide just how uncomfortable it is from my husband. My GP told me half of the women she sees do the same.’
‘Foreplay is the best part of sex. Any woman who says differently is lying. I can’t wait for it to be over.’
GIVING HIM ORAL SEX
Pet hates: Pushy men. A penis that isn’t properly washed. Swallowing.
Top likes: Having power over him. Satisfying his favourite thing. Seeing him so aroused, makes me aroused.
Samantha (aka Sex and The City) famously said, ‘They don’t call it a job for nothing!’. But many women enjoy giving oral sex just as much as men enjoy receiving it.
STATS AND FACTS
- 59 per cent of women say they give oral sex compared to 52 per cent of men.
- Men are twice as likely to say that giving oral sex is very pleasurable (52 per cent vs 28 per cent).
- 51 per cent of Americans say refusing to have OS is a relationship deal breaker.
- 93 per cent of women say they like doing it.
- 77 per cent have had at least one oral sex experience they didn’t enjoy.
- 28 per cent said doing it was ‘very pleasurable’, half said ‘somewhat pleasurable’ and 17 per cent didn’t enjoy it at all.
- 51 per cent of women had an orgasm the last time they received oral sex.
In a bid to find some honest answers, TRACEY COX (pictured) looked at the latest research and spoke to a variety of women to find out which sex acts they enjoyed doing and those they didn’t
‘I love giving oral sex because it turns the toughest guy into a man completely in my control. I’ve perfected my technique over the years: I notice what makes men harder or makes them moan or whimper. Slow and deliberate is what drives men wild, not grabbing it and going really fast.’
‘I don’t get physical pleasure from giving oral sex so expect something in return, like him giving me oral sex or making me orgasm another way. If it goes on for more than five minutes it’s not fun at all. Time seems to move six times slower than it usually does. My jaw hurts and it becomes boring fast.’
‘I had an awful experience as a teen where the guy really smelt and it put me off for life. I don’t really know what I’m doing and clearly not very good at it.’
‘There’s a world of difference between giving a random guy oral sex and doing it to someone you love who appreciates it. I used to hate giving oral sex because I’ve had so many men push my head down to the point where I gag. Being made to swallow is the worst. I told my new boyfriend I hate giving oral sex for that reason, so he’s considerate in how he reacts. He’s completely hands off and let’s me do it the way I want to. It’s turned me around from dreading it to enjoying it.’
Pet Hates: Painful. Feels unhygienic. Unnatural.
Top Likes: More intense than vaginal sex. I can do it during my period. It was on his bucket list.
Of all the sex acts, anal sex is the one that gets the most diverse responses from women. One study says one thing; another contradicts it. The most widely accepted interpretation of this is that the enjoyment of anal sex is highly individual for women. Each woman seems to have her own view that doesn’t conform to any norm.
STATS AND FACTS
- Anal sex feels more pleasurable for men because they have a prostate gland inside the rectum.
- 37 per cent of women have tried anal sex at least once in their lives.
- Only 13 per cent of women say they had anal sex in the last year.
- 31 per cent of women describe it as enjoyable
- 81 per cent of women found their first anal sex experience to be painful.
- 78 percent of women have had at least one bad anal sex experience.
- Of all women who like anal sex, just over 50 per cent still prefer vaginal sex.
- Women in their 20s who aren’t religious and have high levels of income and education are the most likely to try anal sex
- It is possible for women to orgasm from anal sex.
READ MORE: Is your orgasm a wave, an avalanche or a volcano? TRACEY COX reveals the three different types (and the techniques you need to experience them all!)
‘I like it just as much as vaginal sex. Maybe more. It’s intense and a feeling unlike any other. You’re doing something kinky which is always a turn-on. But you should only ever do it with someone you really trust. Your lover has to be careful and patient and you have to give lots of feedback and take things really slowly.’
‘I’ve been hassled for anal sex since my first boyfriend at 15. I’m now 58, have never done it and never intend to do it. It doesn’t interest me in the slightest and won’t be bullied into doing anything I don’t want to.’
‘I really enjoy anal play and love it when my partner inserts a finger inside me during vaginal sex. But anal sex is another thing entirely. It’s not so much painful as uncomfortable. We did everything right – tried about four times and used a ton of lube – but he still couldn’t get it inside. The key is to relax, apparently, but how can you relax when you know something it going to be unpleasant? Your body’s natural reaction is to tense up.’
WATCHING PORN WITH YOUR PARTNER
Pet Hates: Feeds body image issues. Dehumanising. Objectifies women.
Top Likes: Adds spark to long-term relationships. Adds novelty without danger. Makes it easier to talk about sex.
Porn is and always will be an emotive issue for women: even if you enjoy watching, you can’t help but be aware of the potential for female exploitation. Many women enjoy watching it with a partner, but others find the experience uncomfortable for this and other reasons.
STATS AND FACTS
- 26 per cent of couples enjoy reading erotica together.
- 23 per cent of men said their wife watching porn was their top turn on.
- 71 per cent of men and 56 per cent of women think it’s acceptable to watch porn in a relationship – either together or solo.
- 76 per cent of women don’t think watching porn affects their relationships at all – unless it’s excessive.
- One in three visitors to US porn sites are women.
- Men are four times more likely than women to have watched porn in the last month.
- Women are much more likely than men to read written porn or listen to erotica.
- Women who watch porn say they have better sex.
- 70 per cent of women who watch porn have never told anyone.
‘It speeds sex up. I’ve been with my partner for two decades. Sex now is more about scratching an itch and we always choose the quickest route to orgasm. He loves any porn with women in latex. All I do is cue up a suitable video, entice him into the bedroom and let him watch while I give him oral sex. Five minutes later everyone is happy. He does the same for me. I like watching lesbian porn while he’s giving me oral.’
‘I couldn’t bear to watch porn with my husband. I hate that he watches it – it makes me feel bad about myself. The women have perfect bodies and lots of hair and I feel fat and old in comparison. I know they are acting but they do a good job of looking like they’re really into what the guy is doing. I never feel like that, it’s never felt like anything other than a chore on my ‘to do’ list’. I don’t get sex.’
‘It was cathartic for me. I’m naturally mistrustful of men because I have been cheated on in the past. Watching porn with my husband made me realise that it’s normal to be sexually aroused by people other than your partner. It’s not a threat to the relationship that they find the woman on screen a turn on, it’s a human response to sexual stimuli. Porn taught me that arousal isn’t harmful and doesn’t mean he wants to have sex with other people in real life.’
‘It starts the conversation of what you’d both like to try, without the embarrassment of having to say it. Easier to say, “That turns me on” rather than “I’d really like you to call me a s**t while you’re giving me oral sex”.’
DRESSING UP FOR SEX
Pet Hates. Cheap fabrics. Role-play outfits as unasked for presents. Feeling like I have to do it every single time.
Top Likes. Flattering underwear. Knowing he can’t take his eyes off me. Indulging his ‘thing’.
Lingerie, heels, suspenders and stockings – it feels like men have been begging their partners to dress for sex since they started having it. Most women are happy to oblige – just don’t insist on it too often!
STATS AND FACTS
- 84 per cent of women have a ‘seduction set’ of lingerie they bring out for special occasions.
- 75 per cent of women say they have worn sexy lingerie.
- 94 per cent of people who dressed up for sex enjoyed it; 84 per cent would do it again.
- Handcuffs are the most popular sex accessory.
- A ‘Playboy Bunny’ rates highly on the most desired roleplay outfit but a ‘French Maid’ still tops most lists.
‘All he ever wants is me in high heels and naked. It’s not like I hate it, but I do feel objectified. I see it in his eyes: they change from seeing me to seeing a person to have sex with. Like I exist only for him to satisfy his lust.’
‘I went out with one guy who was nuts about expensive lingerie. He’d take me to high end shops and wait while I tried on things in the change room. He’d get me to take photos of myself in the underwear and text them to him. Then he’d pay for everything he liked the look of – and he liked a lot of things! I loved it. Everything felt wonderful against my skin, it was all cut to be highly flattering and I loved how I looked in it. We broke up because sex was all we really had in common but we’re still good friends and I still tease him about it. He’s doing the same thing with his now wife. She’s not complaining either.’
‘We bought doctor and nurse outfits for a bit of a laugh and were surprised how much we enjoyed roleplaying the characters. We each now have about 10 “character” costumes and dress up at least once a month. It’s been the best thing for our sex life and one of those clichéd pieces of advice that really works.’
‘I love dressing up for sex! Stockings, suspenders, corsets, push-up bras, tiny lace panties, ‘maid’ outfits, latex boots…I’ve got the lot. I’m not skinny and my body isn’t what society says is beautiful, but I love getting into character and watching my partner’s face as he anticipates what I’m going to emerge from the bathroom wearing. I find it empowering. He looks good for me as well but his job is harder. I like hard, muscular bodies, which takes work. All I do is pull on some clothes and underwear.’
Visit traceycox.com for Tracey’s blog, podcast, product ranges and books.
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