Channel 5 pot-boiler The Ex-Wife is far-fetched mess that takes liberties

Why is an ex-wife like a hurricane?

According to an old joke, it’s because they start off wet and wild, and end up taking your house.

In contrast, Channel 5’s latest pot-boiler The Ex-Wife just took liberties with little things. Like credibility, characters, dialogue and geography.

It started by flashing forward to calamity. We saw Tasha forcing rival Jen’s car to crash and burn. Jen was in the passenger seat, so presumably Tash’s husband Jack was driving.

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She’d met the married media exec when he knocked her off her bike in his Jag. A careless cyclist in London, distracted by a phone call, what are the chances?

If he’d taken her to hospital, it could have spawned a new reality format – First Dates: Casualty.

Instead, Jack drives her to his home “15 minutes away”, cleans her wound, fixes her bike…and one dinner date later they’re, ahem, riding hard in tandem.

But hold on. They collided in central London, so how was his stunning/sterile Grand Designs gaff surrounded by woodland “15 minutes away”?

Was it in the fabled forests of Peckham? Or the lost Vale of Dagenham? Was it twinned with Narnia? Jack said he was separated from wife Jen who was infertile. He then ditched her, wed Tash and knocked out a sprog. Bosh.

So far we know, bitchy Jen has no idea of boundaries, and is probably out to get Jack back. Tash’s ex might be the baby’s real dad, and she could be a gold-digger.

And Jack is either an insensitive clot or a conniving scumbag.

My money’s on that, because what kind of birdbrain reminisces with his ex about their happy times together in front of his new missus?

Also cos he told Tash he was going on a business trip to New York and she tracked him down to Jen’s…So is she even an ex at all?

*THIS show could well win a Bafta next year – Best Supporting Luxury Kitchen in a Far-Fetched Drama.

*IF Tash’s baby was sired by Jordan Stephens’s Sam wouldn’t she have felt its rizzle kicks? (Insert your own Mama Do The Hump gag here).

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